'These sunless afternoons I can't find myself'

'They don't fear the wolf, but the wild within'

So. In Medway, one has the opportunity to do a course in 'The Art of Accessorising - Accessorise your outfits: jewellery and handbags' but not to study A Levels. Gee thanks, Adult 'Education' Centre. Oh hello misanthropy, I wasn't aware you'd be joining us this-evening! But look - there you are! For anyone who would ever choose the above course over an A Level or anything that requires a modicum of intelligence or thought: die, die, and double die.

The last few days have seen Joanna in several different places. Par example:

+ I have been lost in another world entirely whist watching Verdi Requiem in Cranbrook. James was there with his big bass drum. He wasn't playing in the concert - he just stood at the back with a drum he'd carted along himself...for fun. I must have enjoyed myself because when the show was over one of the violin players approached me and said 'your face when the Soprano hit her top C was an absolute picture!'. Yes, my face gives away all. The concert was in St. Dunstan's Church. The soloists were marvelous. And the whole thing smelt particularly middle class.

+ I have been to work a lot. Someone I work with has just broken her leg so I'm helping to cover some shifts. Because I'm nice like that. (I've just noticed that I mentioned the very same thing in my previous post but I'm not going to re-word this or change it because that fact that I've written it twice should give you a good idea of how forgetful and generally pointless my brain can be! Also, I can't actually be bothered.)

+ I have been to Covent Garden and 'done lunch' Italian stylie, and then to a Christmas Sing-A-Long at the Royal Albert Hall. This trip was for work so it wasn't all fun and games. I was lucky enough to have done the trip with Kay though who is fantabulous and had me in constant giggles throughout the day. One of my favourite quotes of the day (ooh, we haven't done that in a while, have we?!) was during 'We Three Kings of Orient Are' when Kay sang the line 'Frankinscense to offer have I' and then turned to me and uttered 'or do I?'. Now, I do not like Christmas songs in general and nothing was really going to top the Verdi Req' from the night before. There was a particular moment during the show when I smiled to myself and realised the confirmation that this wasn't reeeeaaaally 'my kind of thing', and that moment was when I caught myself looking around the stalls - during a watered down version of 'Winter Wonderland' sung by a woman with a large bottom and even larger stage-school bad habits and techniques to her voice - and thinking '...I wonder what the maximum capacity of this venue is...'. And may the gods bless those poor session musicians who have to work through that crap every night. We also saw the most glorious waste of energy: the Oxford Street Christmas lights. Okay, okay, it was quite pretty I suppose ;-)

+ I have also been to memory-land with Sonata Arctica when they randomly popped up on my playlist and, becoming captured by the sweet melodies and adorably bad use of the English language, I listened to almost every album of theirs I own.

One place I have not been to however, is the land of noddington. To bedfordshire. And oh, how I miss it dreadfully....I'm beginning to sound more and more like an Enid Blyton character....I'd better watch that.

'Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.'

'Away, and mock the time with fairest show'

'...Art thou afeard
To be the same in thine own act and valour
As thou art in desire? Wouldst thou have that
Which thou esteem'st the ornament of life,
And live a coward in thine own esteem,
Letting 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would,'
Like the poor cat i' the adage?'

Change or accept. Just don't sit in the middle complaining.

Oh hello there random song from Sweeney Todd - why have you suddenly appeared in my head? And why will you not leave?!

I had to take someone to hospital last week and I spent far too long chuckling about the fact that Medway Maritime Hospital has a 'Penguin Assessment Unit'.

Someone at work has broken her leg and so we're all scuttling around trying to cover her shifts. Finding a balance between all the important things in life can be difficult but if you love the things in your life it's all worth it. And if the things in your life love you back, they understand...yes, I'm half asleep and talking gibberish.

Gibberish is a good word. I should use it more in everyday sentences. Along with nincompoop, flabbergasted, and sesquipedalian.

Becca's birthday party was a classic night as always - even if she got so drunk that she thought she was having a stroke.

I'd like to take this moment to send out the following message into the ether: Thank you Chris Morris for 'Four Lions'. Just thank you. Right in the face. There was much hearty laughter ('Spark plugs! Jews invented spark plugs to control global traffic.'); there were tears; there were gut-wrenching moments of empathy and agony, especially for the families of the characters ('I'm taking my team up to the top floor now. I'll see you up there.'); there were knowing nods at the multitude of satirical references and painful truths that cleverly weaved through the entire thing ('These are real bad times, bro. Islam is cracking up. We got women talking back. We got people playing stringed instruments. It's the end of days!'). The characters were beautifully acted and the plot perfectly conveyed the messages intended by the filmmakers. ..I'm gushing a bit. And you can tell I used to be an English literature student by the amount of quotes used to back up my points. I'm so transparent.

Also...everyone hates 'How Not To Live Your Life'...from which I concur that everyone is stupid. How difficult is it to pick up on the subtle humours and sarcasms? The glitter of personality that sparkles throughout the dialogue? That program is not as one-dimensional as everyone claims or wants it to be. So there.

And that just about concludes today's inane ramblings. Congratulations if you made it this far! Here: have a biscuit.

More people smile at each other when they're trying to walk in snow..

..which to me seems the perfect little example of how the human race form tighter communities when they have something to fight against or struggle through.

Though I'm not struggling; I bloody love this weather! More snow plskthx.

Wigmore Park this very morn'!

Tales from a struggling support worker, nursery nurse, and writer.

My sister Caroline: 'Can you save all your poetry please? So that when you die an old lady at 87 (random) we can all sell your work and make a fortune?'

Charming! Also, I see a slight technical problem there, dear sister...you'll be 94 at the time.

And as a side note, I'd quite like to make the fortune from them myself before that! Who wants to be my agent and publish my stories and poems for free? Anyone?

No?

Bollocks.

The universe: 'Maybe you should actually start sending some of your work off to people again. That might help, you actual twat!'

'Life, like poker, has an element of risk. It shouldn't be avoided. It should be faced.'

Blimey! An update!

I begin today's meeting by proclaiming the next statement as truthings:

It is pathetic when couples get joint Facebook accounts and the like. By all means stand together against hardships and the rest of the world blah blah, but when you represent the TWO of you as ONE thing/entity/being/whatever it all gets a bit gay and scary. Be your damn selves ffs.

I hate feeling like I have to think carefully about every little thing I write in my own blog. And actually...I'm not doing that from now on.

I watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The first film in ages that has actually had a relatively deep affect on me freaky-wise. It's like a nightmare that spirals into darker and darker corners of the mind. The lack of music was extremely effective, instead there are deep throbbing noises and screeches (like the sounds of madness) and the screams of the lead character...oh, the screams - they cut right through you. A fantastic film. Also, lol at the Hitchhiker's first appearance 'I have this knife!' although I feel sorry for him and want to look after him. Until...ya know...we meet him later on in the film. Even I'm not quite that understanding.

Here he is. And he has this knife. Which is a good knife. Apparently.

So what else have I been doing for the past two and a half weeks? I shall tell you, yes I shall. I've had lovely times at Halloween parties (though my last-minute elf costume didn't go down too well...everyone just thought I had a shit witch's costume on - didn't any of you ever see LotR? Jeeeeeeez! :P), got to know Stef and Dave a bit better (yay, smashing people indeed!), been to Bluewater (or the set of Hollyoaks - the distinction can be somewhat blurred at times), waited in a hospital with someone for ages and listened to the stressy man next to us get more and more irrate until they gave in and let him in before us - seriously, accidentally stepped in sick (Joanna, you really didn't need to clarify that was an accident...), received some of the best birthday gifts ever; including surprise fairy dresses and the most awesome home-made cake/sweetie-castle known to the living world - thank you Zak and James!!! I'm sure there's more to tell but none more shall be told because that list is quite long enough, thank you very much!

Kickboxing is awesome. I never thought I'd be interested in anything to do with Martial Arts...at least not enough to go somewhere each week to do it or buy things to help me train. Train. Hark at me!

Sitting on a bus full of teenagers in all-too-familiar school uniforms can make you think...I still didn't feel like I'd have anything to say to them or they'd have anything to say to me. I felt the same way as I would have done during my teens when faced with that situation - not fear, not apprehension...just general...detachment from the human race. (I'd put my headphones in my ears and listen to something amazing instead of listening to nonsense about boys and make-up). And then I noticed this one guy sitting at the front of the bus. He was a big guy and had crutches and everyone had their backs to him. He looked pretty calm and collected and just reached up and drew a Slipknot 'S' in the condensation of the window. I felt proud. The other kids were all pretty much ignoring him because he was not like the rest of them. And then I realised that I had it all wrong at school: Instead of trying to understand why I wasn't like everybody else, I needed to accept why they weren't like me. Which is when I found peace really. Socially, anyway. Peace in general can be a deadly, destructive place to be.

That's quite enough rambling for the day, Joanna.

BEHOLD: A quote within a quote...

'Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.' '

Dear universe...

I would like to see Ministry live please. I do not care how impossible this is. Also, Jethro Tull in their original line up.

...Just send me back in time for a while.

Yours, Joanna xx

'If life is a radio, turn up to ten!'

Well, you know you've been to a good gig when you wake up the next morning with an aching neck and beer in your hair. It's so refreshing to go to gigs with girls who actually bloody enjoy themselves and aren't afraid to just get into it. I mainly go to the heavier gigs with guys and we laugh at the girls standing around stifly, posing.

\m/ Here's to Bug and Alex for being proper metal fans and not just along for the ride or the fashion. \m/

So, Korpiklaani last night (and I was still the shortest person there even with my old new rocks on, tsk!), and last week was the Electric Circus II. Cavalcade blew every other Medway band out of the water as usual. I was also lucky enough to go along to their rehearsal a few days before the gig and observe their dynamic and how beautifully they bring all their elements, talents, and influences together to make their music. Something a bit wonderful happens when they all get behind their own little stations and start playing. I wish I had taken my sketch pad along with me and I might do that for their next gig, although I am pretty sure I will just get too excited and abandon the idea to dancing and emmersing myself in the bubble of their sound instead.

What would life be without music?

Also this week I have...been insulted by a ridiculously shallow dress-maker, tripped over several times in front of crowds of people (what is new?), spent too much money on CDs, had fun and giggles and lunch in Canterbury, enjoyed chill-out times with friends and sweeties and scary movies, ordered Rob Zombie tickets (YES! *punches the air*), had a little catch-up with Maffoo, and completely forgotten that it's my birthday in two weeks: I really should start arranging things for my birthdays. One day I will have a big party just for me and it will be fabulous and there with be much rejoicing.

'You're just an empty cage if you kill the bird...'

Chest infections will not beat me. Oh no.

As many of you know I've been on a bit of a horror kick, film-wise. For those of you who don't, I've been testing my squeemishness and jumpiness by torturing myself with any movies considered freaky or scary. I have surprised myself and become what can only be described as a 'fan'. We all know I've always been drawn to the darker parts of life but the scary movie thing was something I could never quite crack. And here it is: all cracked and gooey and shivering, begging me for mercy. *evil laughter*

I have recently watched 'Night of the Living Dead'. Please note that I am well aware this film is nothing shocking or even scary to most people - well aware after seeing Cannibal Holocaust as mentioned in previous entries! Poor monkey. I must say the fact that a black man as the capable hero of the film must have been pretty controversial and ground-breaking when it was made in 60s America. The movie couldn't have done much for feminism though - the female characters could only be described as pathetic. I didn't find myself laughing so much at this movie as I have done with other 'old classics' I've seen so far: it is still a bit creepy and the fact it's in black and white adds to the atmosphere somewhat. Also, I predicted, and hoped for, the ending it had. It gave the whole thing a push, a kick, an impact. Which got me wondering if the film was actually more intentionally political than I had initially thought. Though I'm probably looking too deeply into it. Not everything is symbolism Joanna! Get over it!

Maybe the concept of zombies has captured our modern imaginations so much is because...zombies are just humans without all of the qualities we would describe as 'human': compassion, empathy, etc. Which fits into how machinistic (that's not a word, but I've just decided it is - any complaints about this should be sent to me via email or other such communication tools) our lives have become what with modern warfare being so mechanical and impersonal, fighting each other from distances with guns and bullets and documents. We build tall stone prisons to work in, we talk to each other through handsets and keyboards and plastic and metal. We're becoming so far removed from nobility and humility in our interractions. We're becoming so far removed from each other...

'Machinery is aggressive. The weaver becomes a web, the machinist a machine.' Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've also watched Ichi the Killer but I have a lot to say on that as well, so I will bore you with that some other time. Suffice it to say that it was pretty damn awesome. And if I was a man, I'd dress like Kakihara every day, yes I would.

I wish my friends were happy all the time. I wish everyone was happy all the time. But then I suppose we'd all be bloody boring.

There are no pictures in this entry.

'I think it's a big turn on to walk down the street and kick little kids.' - Burzum, 1992. - lol