you can still ruin my day

'I don't wait by the phone like I used to,
I don't hope for kind words you might say,
you don't prey on my mind like you used to
but you can still ruin my day.'

I thought I had forgiven but in reality, I just hadn't accepted it. I am now swimming in the deep realisation of it all. Muddy, polluted waters spin around my ears and eyes and there are so many islands I'm neglecting because the filth surrounding me is in the way. Saying things aloud to people has helped - a lover, a soul-mate, and a teacher - and all three of them have handed me wood, now I just need to learn how to build a raft, never expecting I'd need one in such a shape.

'I don't easily forgive like I used to
and I seldom get carried away;
no, you don't have the pull that you used to
but you can still ruin my day.'

This all must come out, in whatever form. And soon. Because burying the past no longer works for me. Illumination, clarity and perhaps one day a forgiveness is what will set this free.

'Now, I don't lose my place like I used to;
I'm not moved by your artful display.
No, you can't draw me in like you used to
but you can still ruin my day.'