'In the dark we're the same, in the concept of time we're like a grain in the sand'

The highlight of my Wednesday night was seeing an old man with a t-shirt that had the big MacDonalds 'M' on it, and the words 'McShit' written over the top. Oh, and Ma'anit pretending to be a ghost resulting in my screaming loudly in the beer garden. *embarrassed*

Yesterday I went to Rochester with my awesome 'brother' Lee and we met Jason and Graham there. I did something I don't usually do but you know what? I'm just having fun and rolling with life - why the bloody hell not? And no, I didn't sleep with anyone before you assume that, you naughty readers you!


Time to get moving! Toodley pip!

Sanctuary

My land is bare of chattering folk;
The clouds are low along the ridges,
And sweet's the air with curly smoke
From all my burning bridges.
by Dorothy Parker

My dreams remain the same

Over the past week of Joanna's life, she has been...

...to Gravesend and tried on every single bridesmaid dress in the shop. Then ended up choosing the most expensive one without realising it...typical! Sorry Becca. Then we spent all day drinking wine and Celtic Warriors (phwoar!). Then Natalie and I went to the Barge. It's all a bit of a blur frankly. But I know I enjoyed myself! I provided the quote of that night by walking up to a group of Ma'anit's friends and trying desperately to look sober. Which seemed to be working until I said 'I'm fiiiine! I'm not that drunk...*hiccup*' Bastard diaphragm!

 ...disinfecting all the musical instruments in her house.

Mum: Why are you disinfecting your tin-whistle?
Joanna: Uh....because James kinda...put it up his nose.

...looking after my nephew and nephette, Tom and Abbie-ghoul! Tom got attacked by an evil swing in the park, and Abbie and I painted our faces like lunatics. A fantastic day indeed. :)

...to The Nightmare Theatre. Lots of laughter, chatting, Newcastle Brown (hell yeah!), new friends, long-lost friends. T'was the fun indeed. Cavalcade played - their sound is too big, too vast for Medway. They need a stage out in space so the whole world can look up at them. Their sound is unique. Dark, sometimes almost bleak, but with gorgeous ribbons of colour flowing and twisting through the sound. Lovely lovely.

...having tomato-ketchup and sock fights. Yeah, don't ask.

...wondering about how to end a blog post in an interesting way.

 'And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.' - Dylan Moran

'Don't stand, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me!' (I might break you)

Joanna has well and truly lived up to her nickname of Calamity today. For those of you who are interested (and if you're not, then why, pray tell, are you still reading this? I won't have your sort round here!), I gained said nickname about 7 years ago when I first visited Becca's parent's house. I'd only been there for about ten minutes and I broke this family heirloom vase thingimajig. Then the next time I visted, I broke a plate. This was also around the time that I broke my boyfriend-at-the-time's prized glass stein from Germany. It was massive and he loved it to bits. And I dropped it to bits. Sorry! When Becca and Obee had their flatwarming party, they put yellow and black hazard tape over their furniture because they knew I was coming. Cheers guys. Hilarious. ;-)

So that's the story. And I've been a walking disaster ever since. So your lesson of the day is: DO NOT TRUST JOANNA WITH ANYTHING DELICATE OR PRECIOUS TO YOU. IT WILL BE BROKEN! I don't seem to have broken anyone's baby yet though. So that's alright. Though the odds are pretty high - quite a few of my friends have kids. I'll keep you posted...

'I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY IN A CONFESSIONAL BOOTH!'

'LORD. HAVE. MERCY!'

...There's nothing quite like Kiss to make everything in life feel fantastic.

'Like all weak men he laid an exaggerated stress on not changing one's mind.'

Busy, busy, busy. In the words of Bilbo - 'I feel like butter stretched across too much bread.' My trip to Wolves last weekend was awesome: wine, long chats, cheeky children, annnnddddd no Wolverhampton trip is complete without a naked Sarah in a changing room. Jo went to so much effort and bought my special moo-juice and everything. My friends rock. Also, while we were at one of the cattle markets clubs in the city centre, I managed to convince some guy that I'm a 24-year-old lesbian with four children. He left shortly afterwards. Which was the aim. The quote of the weekend of 24th July 2010 came from Jo - 'sometimes I wish I had a penis so I could randomly slap people round the face with it.'

This week I have mostly been giggling with fantastic friends and trying not to fall asleep on the bus. Though, I found out the other night that some guy I used to work with (I shan't mention any names..though I probably should) has told at least one person that we 'didn't have sex but we did other stuff'...which clearly is an hilarious lie. I like men with a little more substance and a little less pseudo-intellect and transparency, thank you. If he was somebody I'd look twice at, this wouldn't be such a ridiculous piece of news. It's a bit sad when you have to make things up like that.

I'd just like to say that: Yes, the Catalan government voting in a ban of bullfighting in that particluar region is a good thing, of course...but it's not the massive step that everyone thinks it is. Apparently it's never really been that popular there anyway.

Also, this week I have been re-discovering bands I frankly haven't thought about in years...Venom, Celtic Frost, Black Sabbath, Megadeth, Slayer. It's indescribable: that unique energy you feel that comes right from the very pit of your stomach when you hear the simple sound of guitars and drums galloping along together, creating pure magic. It awakens something primal inside you, something full of instinct and power, something that connects you with the very core of your human self. Music and sex - not so far removed from one another. Music is as essential to my existence as the breath in my lungs.

"I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs, and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music." - George Eliot

Enough words: here, have some metal. \m/

Doll Parts

So I can no longer walk around my area alone at times that suit me and my life. When they catch that rapist, I'm sending him my taxi receipts. He's costing me a lot of money.

In all seriousness though, it makes me fucking sick that I cannot walk freely around the area in which I live at a time I choose. I can, of course, but frankly it would be a stupid thing to do. I'd be putting myself in danger. And there's being brave and being foolish. And this is all because I was born with ladybits. I feel a bit like an animal backed into a corner. I'm angry. One of the rapes happened in the road next to the one I'll be working in. Great! ...

Today James and I are going to The Riverside Tavern. I haven't been there for years and it's great to go in there with someone who's gay. I feel a little less fraudulant!

'Are those symphonies forgotten with our cases closed and latched?'

Fuck off new Twilight movie. Just fuck off. And take Harry Potter with you please. That's right, you heard me: LEAVE THE HALL!

So, it looks like I'll be starting work within the next three/four weeks.  This is good news and a half and a quarter and another quarter. So basically, it's double good news. I can do maths, me.

This week Ma'anit played at the Billabong in Rochester, and Toby and James also had a jam. That's right 'a jam'. That's what all the kids are calling it these days. Lots of laughter and fun as always. Quotes of the night for Tuesday 13th July 2010:
'Hey, do you know who you look like?' - Hahaha! (oh, you had to be there...)
and my second favourite was when some guy stopped me on my way to the bar, pointed at me for what seemed like forever, squinted and then said: 'Katy Perry.' To which I replied, '...uh, no.' This is funny because I don't resemble her in the slightest.

I need to stop posting 'you had to be there' quotes. Maybe this quote of the day thing is not such a good idea in practice...But I do have a general quote of the moment, thanks to some random American voice - 'if he gave a shit about you, he'd be here right now.' Which generally relates to lots of things in lots of people's lives right now. And you know what? It's bloody true.

Then later in the week James and I went to visit Fluffy. We had a nice long night of chatting, giggling, and uh...shit porn. And by shit porn I do not mean actual shit porn. Oh, and romantic comedies *vomits*. Thanks for the varied movie jukeboxing Fluff! I think...

This just in! Click here for tips on how to be happy as a woman, courtesy of Disney.
And just so you boys don't feel left out: Click here for tips on how to get your perfect woman and be successful in life. Thank you, Liz :D

Brain. Switch. Off.

'I've got nostalgic pavements,

I've got familiar faces,

I've got mixed-up memories,

and I've got favourite places.'

'The rest of us are DJs or official club photographers'

Those of you who know me personally will be aware that I'm a total squeemish wreck of a wimp of a coward of a weakling when it comes to any sort of scary film. Soooooo, I've decided to challenge myself in this department. I've watched Cannibal Holocaust. That's right. I started with the soft stuff. I watched the uncut version. You know, the one including the scenes in which they cut the face off a monkey and kill a turtle TO DEATH! A choice film for a vegan, I'd say! It's good to watch something that disturbs you sometimes. That unsettles you deep down inside. It wakes you up a bit. There's too much comfort available in the Western world and sometimes we need to get down to our primal core of fear to feel alive in different ways. Extreme music films for extreme people! And then, as Rob Zombie is this week's musical favourite of mine, I decided to watch House of 1000 Corpses. Which I, to my complete surprise, thoroughly enjoyed. I probably didn't appreciate it on the same level as an avid watcher of horror movies would but I appreciated the sheer imagination and creativity that soaked through the whole film, down to the clever little details like Otis Driftwood's 'Burn this flag' t-shirt and Baby's awesomely chilling but playful laugh (kinda sexy, I won't lie).

Kickboxing was awesome. I'm going again this week. H'yah! Lots of people have asked me if I'm going for fitness or to train properly in ze arts but it's neither of those. I just like my life full of things. And people. And music.

Yeah, I'm a rubbish photographer.
My Ma'anit played at the Barge on Wednesday night. I think it's the best performance I've seen of hers so far. At the Barge, people aren't polite if you're shit - they just talk over you while you play but, as always, the moment Ms. Rosie started singing the whole room went silent. It's her voice: it's soulful, and when she hits her high notes it's glassy-clear and pure. Plus, she has the guts to play her own songs and they're melodic and catchy. Plus plus, she played my favourite song of hers and it was hard not to sing and sway along as I was recording! Plus plus plus (!), that night I got told I have perfect diction (lol, I love that word). Which is nice. I do speak the Queen's English after all, don't you know! Whatwhatwhat!
Quotes of the night for Wednesday 7th July 2010:
'I broke the Barge!' - Ma'anit (Yeah, you had to be there)
and (upon sitting through the most depressingly hillariously shit band I've possibly ever seen) 'It's music like this that makes me understand why people kill themselves' - Ma'anit.

'How could this backwards land learn to understand my dance?'

Imagine my surprise, when searching for some sort of program/sketch show/nonsense to fall asleep to the other night, to see an Anvil documentary featured on the BBC iplayer home page! So I watched it, naturally. And I'm still trying to decide whether it was some sort of Spinal Tap-inspired joke. I really hope it was...


Arthurian magic*? Really? This is just how I imagine the bible and Christianity to have begun. A rumour of a man nobody can even confirm existed (seriously, look properly into the history of King Arthur and you'll see what I mean), at least not on any important scale. A rumour that gets out of hand, people write lots of literature and stories about this man, and he becomes a sort of prophet figure. There'll be a bible part 2 soon, all about Arthur and Merlin.

 Kiss are wicked. That is all.

*Oh sorry, should that be 'magick' with a k? *rolls eyes*