The battle of the sexes

Men are taught to never be weak,

and women are taught to always be weak.

The Ballad of me and my friends

Yesterday was Shelli's first proper gig with Old School Rules. It was in Kingston (London, not Jamaica, stoopid!) and we (Tom, Ryan, Charli, and me) all told her it was just too far to travel and that we couldn't afford it. I will never forget the look on her face when I stood in front of her in the pub garden and said 'surprise!', haha! I would walk over coals (relatively hot ones, too!) to see that happiness and surprise again! There's nothing quite like making your best friends smile and bounce with joy. And I think she cried a little bit. :P

Last night consisted of beer, familiar faces, new faces, punk rock, noisy dogs, and lots of lovely jubbley laughter.

That's my wifey! And you can't have her!

Shelli did a wicked job, as did the whole of Old School Rules. She's an awesome front-woman - the perfect fusion of charm, charisma, and SPUNK! Yeah baby! It's also been fantastic to spend time with Tom again lately, after all these years, because he's pretty damn cool.

So all in all, the past forty eight hours has been bloody smashing.

'Well if you're all about the destination,

then take a fucking flight!

We're going nowhere slowly but we're seeing all the sights.

And we're definitely going to hell

but we'll have all the best stories to tell...'

'And I know I'm not the one who is habitually optimistic...'

...but I'm the one who's got the microphone here, so just remember this:

Yeah, life's about love, last minutes, and lost evenings

about fire in our bellies and about furtive little feelings

and the aching amplitudes that set our needles all aflickering:

they help us with remembering that the only thing that's left to do is live!

After all the loving and losing, after all the heroes and the pioneers

the only things that's left to do is get another round in at the bar'

Yesterday I saw Faye for the first time in Idon'tknowhowmany years. She gives off such joyful, creative energies. Simply lovely company. And her gorgeous little girl Evie has the most wonderful temperament. Ah, that was a nice day. Shame I didn't get there earlier :P

I have an interview on Friday. Go me!

That is all.

I am a very boring title

I've just discovered that Hobnobs are Vegan. Get in!

Also, I love the expression 'shit off'. Here's an example of how one can use it in everyday conversation:

Some man - 'Excuse me miss, would you sign my petition to ban England shirts in pubs?'

Me - 'No, shit off.'

I should really get some sleep at some point...

'The women of this country learned long ago that those without swords may still die upon them.'

Here's what's happening in my....

Dream domains

Well last night I dreamt that Johan Hegg and I went on an adventure, and then we have wild, crazy sex. Now that's more like it.

Creative cosmos

I've found drawings I did years ago of cats all in different positions. I must say they're pretty good. Dad noticed them as he walked through my room and told me I 'have some talent!' How about that? A clear as day compliment from Daddy. Maybe it's because I laughed at his joke about Vanessa Feltz this-morning.

I love my tin whistle and my tin whistle loves me. We play Folkearth and Cruachan together. We make sweet musical love.

Professional pursuits

It looks like I'll have an interview soon. Cross your fingers and pray to your favourite god for me!

Field of friendships

I'm going to see Faye and her little girl Evie tomorrow - Joanna is looking forward to this muchly. Also, it's remarkable how many of my female friends have been plainly messed around lately by men. This is just getting silly. These girls are no fools either. They just refuse to live their life like robots. Like empty shells. What are you guys so damned afraid of? This definitely has something to do with the shift in male/female relations that's happening at the moment (And before you scoff, I am well aware that women are just as capable of such idiotic behaviour as men are! So put that in your cake and bake it!).

'There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defense or reserve.' - William S. Burroughs

One day, when I am old, unsteady, and dribbley, I'll look back at my experiences, and blame everything bad in my life on Arkona for not including the UK in their current European tour.

*insert witty, colourful sign-off here*

'The world must be peopled!'

Today was fandabidozie. Yes, that's a word. Hazel, Kevin and the kiddlies came to visit. Those children just wake me up inside. Abbie is simply too clever and colourful for words and Thomas' mind is like some sort of mechanical marvel machine. Today Auntie Jo has spent too long in the sun, sung around a piano (like a Prima Donna, first lady of the staaage!), genuinely lost a child more than once during games of hide and seek, drawn pirates and fairies, and eaten far too much!

Oh. And been called Auntie 'Jew' several times...Why Abbie? Why?

'I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.'

'No. An he were, I would burn my study.'

- Beatrice, 'Much Ado About Nothing'

Yes, I read Shakespeare for pleasure. What of it? Blast, now all of my favourite moments are coming to me. Must. Not. Quote!

'BENEDICK - They say the lady is fair. 'Tis a truth, I can bear them witness. And virtuous - 'tis so, I cannot reprove it. And wise, but for loving me. By my troth, it is no addition to her wit - nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her. I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me because I have rallied so long against marriage; but doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No. The world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married. Here comes Beatrice.

Enter Beatrice

By this day, she's a fair lady. I do spy some marks of love in her.

BEATRICE - Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.

BENEDICK - Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

BEATRICE - I took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains to thank me. If it had been painful I would not have come.

BENEDICK - You take pleasure, then, in the message?

BEATRICE - Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, signor? Fair you well.

Exit

BENEDICK - Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come into dinner.' There's a double meaning in that. 'I took no more pains for those thanks than you took pains to thank me.' That's as much as to say 'Any pains that I take for you is as easy and thanks.' - If I do not take pity of her I am a villian. If I do not love her I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.'

-Much Ado 2.3

Oh well. It was worth it.

'How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young.'

I've come to a general conclusion about writing - It's not what you include that makes a good book, it's what you leave out. Trust your reader to come to some conclusions on their own - too much detail and description just makes things tiresome to read and you'll end up patronising your audience.

This job-hunting thing is bleedin' frustrating. I know exactly what I want to do and I'm perfectly qualified and experienced in the field - why can I not find anything that would take me less than two hours to travel to? 'Tis the god of jobs paying me back for not really bothering to find anything in previous years! Damn yooouuu!

I had a dream the other night that I was in a big studio - like a dance hall or something - and was partaking in some sort of acting class. We were given this exercise to do which seemed simple really: we all had to keep frowns on our faces, no matter what. But then the teachers kept saying hilarious things and playing funny audio clips and so none of us could help but laugh. I remember that I took the whole thing extremely seriously too and I got terribly annoyed with myself that I couldn't keep the frown on my face. Looking back on the dream now I see it as an indication that I find it hard to be anything other than myself these days. Which is a damn good thing. However, as a result, I'm finding it rather difficult to be strictly formal when I'm filling forms out, etc. When I am faced with something like a questionnaire my brain just wants me to splash and scrawl and doodle my personality all over it.

Also, I have randomly remembered that when I was a child, I used to think hamburgers were called 'handburgers'. Mental pictures rule.

So. The Westborough Baptist Church want to picket the funeral (or is it the memorial service) of Ronnie James Dio. Urgh. I don't have much fear of them actually ruining it though: Thousands of passionate heavy metal fans will be there. So good luck with that one.

I've finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray. Oscar, why didn't you write more books? Please come back to life. You can live in my shoebox or under the bed! We'll take trips to Ireland together and I'll buy you Opium! Pwomise! Then I started watching the 2009 movie 'Dorian Gray'. Which I subsequently turned off. For me the casting was all wrong - Colin Firth as Henry? Please! I'd expected him to play Basil! It just wasn't working. And Ben Barnes gave an alright performance it's just that...Dorian Gray was supposed to be beautiful, eye-catching; not plain and forgettable. And, whilst reading the book, I certainly didn't imagine him as having a bum-chin. 'Nuff said. I also was rather annoyed at the entire atmosphere of the film. Why was it so damned spooky from the offset? The beauty of the book is that it takes sinister twists here and there aiding to build up the tension for Dorian towards the end, but it certainly wasn't a jumpy rollercoaster for the most part. What's that all about? I also hate that they gave away the most climactic part to the nature of the main character right at the beginning. With the book you discovered the different elements to Dorian as he was discovering them himself. I know movies don't necessarily need to follow the books exactly and sometimes this is a very good thing, however the film just pissed on the charming parts of the book for me. That's right, pissed on it. Shame I couldn't include that in an English Lit' essay. Is the only way to show madness, vanity, suspense, suspicion these days a few ominous chords playing throughout a scene? Some originality please! Perhaps I'm just too blasé about anything horrific, and took the mood of the book more lightly than I should have done (Which I didn't - it just wasn't unnecessarily tense the entire way through). Or maybe I should watch the end of the film before making such sweeping judgements (I did watch most of it!). Or maybe I would enjoy movies more if I wasn't such a nutjob about books. Orrrr maybe (as has been my general suspicion for the last few years) Hollywood movies just don't do it for me. More depth plz. Kthx.

'Deconstructing Dorian Gray' by Veronica Jackson

Wow, you didn't actually read all that, did you?

I knew it would be hard to leave Ben and Ewan but now I'm actually living the distance...and it's horrid.

I want Ewan to call me in his soft voice and ask me a question about football that I couldn't answer even if I had the internet infront of me, I want Ben to look up at me with those intense, brilliant blue eyes and say something cheeky but hilarious at the same time, I want to sit on the sofa and have them run, jump and dance around me oozing that special energy that only children emit. I want bath-times and silly walks and afternoon giggles and squishy cuddles and bed-time stories. I want my boys :(

I cannot imagine what it must be like to have your own children and not being able to see them all the time. It must be five-hundred times harder than this.

Poosticks :(

Friendship is contagious

Joanna needs...

a jobby! Does anyone on here manage a centre/home for kids with Autism? Anyone?- Didn't think so :(

Joanna has been reading...

Twilight. Ohoho that's right. I'm reading it for research (don't ask), I'm on the last chapter, and the entire book has been pure. comedy. gold. Lawls.

Joanna went to...

Lesley's party last night and had a giggle - even if it was a little depressing (and awkward!) watching her brother drink himself into a babbling stupor across the table. I still don't know what her house looks like, we spent the entire time outside perched on wobbly garden chairs. I hope Vicky emails the photos over soon! ...*insert smiley face here to indicate happiness, etc*...

Joanna has been stalked by...

the chorus of Skyclad's 'Still Spinning Shrapnel' for the last week. Git awt ov ma brayn!

'They made a statue of us

And it put it on a mountain top

Now tourists come and stare at us

Blow bubbles with their gum

Take photographs, have fun'

'nothing that I wouldn't do..'

How unwise would it be to write about this on my online journal?

Very, actually.

'Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.'

Thanks for the quote Jim Carrey. You're pretty damn cool.

I'm busy today. Although I'm not going out as early as I thought which gives me time to drink this here coffee and smoke a cigarette. Ah, simple pleasures.

Yesterday I walked EVERYWHERE, wee'd in a bottle (that doctor is some sort of pervert, I'm sure of it), giggled and had good chats with two lovely friends, drank cheap wine, and was insulted by a taxi driver. So all in all, a good day. Also, I might set myself a little photography project taking pictures of everyone's ankles. That's right.

The more I read about Dyspraxia, the more I understand why Ben does some of the things he does. It has made me realise that he's stronger and works harder than most children his age, just with what we would call the 'simplest' of tasks. He's a brave little man. Capable of more than we realise. I love you Ben. You feed my spirit and help keep it alive just by being you.

My world is full of people, my world is full of hope and joy and laughter and spiritual medicine. Just needed to look in the right places.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin

'Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this.'

I had a dream last night that I was guest-singing on stage with Frank Turner. And then when we were backstage he tried to cuddle me and sit on my lap like a child. It was weird. I think there's been some sort of mixup on the dreamwaves, as this one should have gone to Shelli Clarkerson. She would have appreciated that a lot more than I did, especially since he had his shirt off for most of the dream. Wasted on me, I tell you! Send the skinny ones to Shelli! Got it?

Hanging out of the window smoking a sneaky cigarette at 3am teaches you a lot about the wildlife around here. I heard what could only be described as a cat orgy, and then the birds went crazycoconuts so perhaps they had some sort of involvement? Who's to know?

I seriously need to get moving today. Not because I have lots of stuff to do (which I do) but because I need to buy tobacco.

Hmm, I think I'll leave anything spiritual to my real-life diary. So if you are interested in that side of things, you'll have to become me for a day...because that's the only way you'd get to read my actual diary.

Good luck with that.

'This country is my canvas, I leave paint-trails as I go'

Oh yes. She's alive. Where on earth do I start?

I'm not going to do this poncy updatingyouonthelast6months nonsense. A bit of mystery is good for the soul. And boy, there's been plenty of that I can tell thee!

Today, I painted my face with a celticy fairy design, took pictures, filmed a gorgeous girly singing sad songs (yes, I had tears..and bumps made from geese!), laughed until I couldn't breathe, walked like a Jamaican pensioner, and generally felt very very grateful for everything around me. That's right, I'm a woman and I feel fulfilled most at a point in my life when I'm single. Pah, have that, media! Have that, nuclear family! I. am. happy. And I'm not interested in meeting anyone else. So sod off weird guy in a blue van and flirty man in Tesco. Just you sod right off!

It's a quarter to two to the a.m and I really should be asleep. I'm sat here thinking about how much I miss my Wolverhampton homies. Sarah, Jo, Carrie, and all of their children combined (And Kat who has no children...yet!). I have got used to seeing six of my eight favourite children every single day.

When you tell people you read books they instantly assume you're intelligent. Which is not only highly inaccurate but also really quite sad.

That is all.

'Don't blame yourself. Let me do it.'