There is a great deal of difference between missing someone and wanting someone again. I miss lots of things from years bygone. But that doesn't mean I want them all to happen again. A part of me will always feel that way about him, deep down inside...because we never got a chance to completely ruin each other. But I have pride, and balls* and I don't like being messed around.
I'm going to stop being so damned nice to people who do mess me around. I'm going to stop making the effort with people who don't make the effort with me. Because friendship doesn't work like that, whatever has gone on in the past. I think that I often confuse being compassionate and understanding with simply being an idiot. I can't say I've ever really been messed around that much in my life but there comes a point at which you have to say to yourself...'it makes it easier on them for you to be understanding and a great friend, but what are you getting out of all this, Joanna?'. Thing is, most people find it easy to be selfish but I'm the other way around a lot of the time. And by covering up my selfish side, it doesn't mean I don't have it. I need to embrace the darker sides of myself as well as the light, otherwise....well, I'm only half a person.
Plus, if I'm totally honest, I fucking love my darker sides when I let them breathe.
Ohoho, that's right, Joanna's got her edge back and is fully herself again.
"As a matter of fact, he is... a huge schmuck. How did you know?"
"He let you go. This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."
"You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake!"
"You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake!"
*that's right - balls!
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